Struggle

Friday is four days away. As I sit in front of the daycare contemplating the 12:01am check that funds are deposited, I feel that too-familiar wrenching of my stomach. I know there’s not enough money coming in for what has to go out. The reality is that everything is due and no entity collecting is willing to wait. 

School fees are due for both littles by tomorrow. The penalty is steep – added fees and possible disenrollment for one, no admittance on Wednesday for the other.  And I could lament about my usually good on gas truck suddenly guzzling the gallons. MY please just don’t hit empty until after I get all my kids home prayer is ineffective when I’m unable to scrounge up a few bills to make stopping the car at the gas pump worth it. 

I’m not in class this quarter. Three thousand dollars wasnt available for class tuition.  And because I’ve failed myself in this degree pursuit, the reminders of my inadequate school performance haunt me. I mean since when does my student flaunt a bright yellow SCAD shirt? Why is the school suddenly sending recruitors to my job? And why, why, why does everything in my being want desperately to be complaining about a work load instead of finding endless time to waste.  

The taxes are due on both vehicles (as they are every October). Folks are going gaga over pumpkin lattes and I’m preparing for the annual child support fees they’ll pull out of my already-thin monthly “aid” while sipping on pilfered dregs from my dad’s past hotel stays. 

I’m pretty sure that the kids really wanted those $30 spirit wear shirts. And the fundraiser that the school highly encourages each child to sell 15 items for seems laughable. I splurged on school photos believing that $15 was reasonable (I hardly print what I shoot, and discs of memories kinda suck). But somewhere in the many support this endeavors, I have to stop the expenses.

I definitely don’t want to have yet another year of additional work responsibility to garnish a supplemental wage. They didnt make it easy to say no, though, as my “raise” this year is a negative showing on my paycheck. So what am I to do?

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