FIRST 52 (8)

Dear Ri,

Today you are eight weeks new. Honestly, it feels as though you’ve always been here. It’s funny how I didn’t know I was incomplete without you, but since I cannot imagine life without you in it, you’ve obviously filled a void in me.

I’ve been waiting for you to flash a big smile for some time now. I realized yesterday, though, that yours is a subtle smile. It’s been caught on camera dozens of times now and I’d missed seeing the obvious. Unlike me, with nose scrunching, wide mouthed spontaneous displays, you simply smirk. Those adorable lips curve up in the corners, but your mouth remains closed. It reminds me of how your dad and brother smile.

In your dreams, you laugh. You also talk in your sleep. I wonder sometimes what fantasy is playing out for you, what peaceful scene has been set. And that laugh? Sudden, shockingly shrill, and contagious.

Though sometimes I complain, I love to hold you close, inhaling those scents that only babies possess. You sit, back against my stomach, legs folded across one of mine, and head held up strong. Arms thrown across mine, you contentedly observe your world. At other times you prefer to rest chest against chest, your head nestled in the crook of my neck. And still others, you lay in my arms, head leaned back so you nearly see the world upside-down.

You love music (though Mommy’s singing hardly qualifies). You bounce to dance and rock your head. Daddy likes to soothe you with our wedding march song, Kem’s ‘Share My Life.’ I’ve seen you sit listening with great focus to the cords I walked down the isle to. Daddy croons the lyrics and you sometimes coo along. Songs with powerful percussion get your full attention, so GoGo and Reggae are favorites. Daddy insists you’ll be a dancer… And a boxer… And a model (of course).

Oh, and the pictures! You rarely sleep soundly, preferring to experience everything and seemingly afraid to miss a moment of activity. I’ve had to accept that there would be few – if any – peacefully sleeping baby images (modern baby photography trends be darned, you’ve decided). Instead, an alert beauty with intense eyes meets my lens. You prefer short shoots of a mere ten minutes and that is severely cut if you get cold or hiccups attack. But in that time, you pose with each click. We’ve amassed quite a stunning collection of portraits — a portfolio of images should we ever want to pursue you modeling. And you’re being featured in Model Life Magazine!

As a winter baby, you’ve been cheated of the pleasure of outdoors. So when the weather suddenly turned warm, I rushed you outside for a few precious minutes of fresh air activity. You, however, squinted in the sun and shyed away from it. I hope you’ll grow accustomed soon (especially since Daddy is determined to take field trips with you).

Oh, and all those problems we had with weight and nursing? Distant memory. You’ve grown out of your newborn clothes. Your legs and arms are pleasingly plump. Your face is adorably squishy. And you seem to be growing tall. You’ve no problem declaring hunger, seeking me out with your eyes and wailing distinctly. When you get near, you whimper and coo, anticipating filling your belly in any one of your three preferred positions (none of which do I think are on the breast feeding infomercials piped into the hospital video on demand programming). We’ve become pros in this meal delivery system.

I’m sad about leaving for work. Will I miss something amazing? Will you come to prefer someone else’s devotion?

I hope you’ll save the best for me.

I’m so blessed to be your mommy. It’s the job I hold most dear.