We are busy.

FRIDAY, Oct. 12, 2012: She told Oma that our house is “busy.”
It really needs no explanation to understand the weight of her description.
We are busy.
We are separated – though not by choice, certainly by demands. School work. Games. Appointments. Work.
Exhaustion…
Where does the time go?
Each month brings us closer to Cinco’s grand entrance and each seems to pass by quicker than the next.

This morning, in the usual gruff, often rude series of commands, I hurried each child through their preparations.
‘Ya – put on your shoes!’
‘Chi – do you have your socks, and where is your jacket?’
‘JD – hurry! Dad’s heading to the car.’
‘Let’s go! Speed it up!’
Repeat (daily).

The clock, our enemy, mercilessly reminds us we are late. Again. Sun, still too low to illuminate the sky, we speed along in what Ya calls the “good dark morning.”
Life is busy.

She sat in her chair in the dark van, book bag still resting against her back, silent. Had the lights not automatically brightened the interior when I opened the door, I’d never have noticed her there. “Wrong car. I’m late. I’m already supposed to be at work.”

I said it way too quickly.
She deflated before my eyes.

She moved quickly out and away, but not before I grabbed her head in my hands, drew her close, and kissed her forehead. I wanted to linger there for a moment — to breathe in her smell and hug her close. I needed to burn the moment into memory.

I miss our time.
We are busy.

I’m going to need to slow it down, to savor this day before worrying about and planning for the next.

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Comments

  1. You made me cry. I hate the way I talk to my kids in the morning. I can’t seem to get it under control, and I am ashamed. They are doing their best for their respective ages, and I should be praising God that I have healthy children. They will be grown before I can blink, and I know it. I hated that my own working mom was always in a rush and impatient with us, and now I am doing it too. Thanks for your post.

  2. Each day I promise myself that I am not going to utter something hateful and mean to my daughter as we head to school and each day I find that I am growling and grumpy. This makes me too want to slow down and stop being so busy. What a great post.

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